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Christine's Contemplating

Sep. 17th, 2006 09:16 am .....

I feel sad. Really sad. Like unbearably sad. It stinks. I accept the fact that I can't go home, but that doesn't mean it's not where I'd rather be. I miss so many people. Ugh ..it's not that I miss their support- I just miss THEM ..but it's enough to make my stomach hurt all the time and me barely eat and sleep disturbedly. NOT FUN. And I'm supposed to be talking to them less (I barely talk to said people in the first place because no one save for 2 have been answering emails due to busy schedules and stuff) in order to be sort of "pushed" into finding more people around here, but I'm not having too much luck with that because the people here can't be there a lot of times since they are busy, so 9 times out of 10 I'm in a corner trying to feel better because I miss people but I don't know how to exactly do that because the solution to "missing people" is "seeing people" which is exactly what I'm supposed to refrain from in order to be "pushed" to get more people here but first off self-soothe, which I don't know how to do because the false sensation of lack of support and loneliness is enough to make anyone literally suicidal, so of course I'm back where I started. Now what?

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Sep. 11th, 2006 09:30 pm Hi.

I like pooh.

Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: Had a Bad Day- IT'S ALWAYS ON THE RADIO GOSH DARN IT

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Sep. 5th, 2006 08:40 pm UGH

Okay yeah. I don't want to be one of those really annoying emotional teenagers who complain about every single thing saying their life stinks, but honestly, I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. Ms. Meyer is working out alright I guess. She's usually busy so I usually can't see her without an appointment, but then I'm just supposed to instead go see the guidance counselor who tries so hard to try to help but her knowing that she can't do anything really so it feels really weird. Nothing is helping much though, which kinda stinks. With teachers it's usually "I know this must be hard for you..here do this by thursday" if anything and then Ms. Meyer is nice to talk to but there just isn't anything anyone can DO for me. I guess I'm just tired- of crying so much, of talking about it without actually getting any release for anything, and physically. I honestly just desperately want to go home but of course I know I can't, so I'm trying to find other stuff for comfort but it's as simple as nothing is working. ..What do you do when the "help" doesn't work?? I really boxed in in terms of options because well I don't have any, but I can't even explain it well anymore because nothing suffices, and then there's no point. I see Ms. Meyer again on friday. Gosh I just feel so badly that I can't even talk anymore. It's supposed to get better right? That's what they say- but it's been this bad for 2 and a half months now and..

UGH I don't know what to do. Need hugs.

Current Mood: depresseddepressed

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Dec. 4th, 2005 11:14 am wee

It's 11:08 and I just woke up and ate breakfast. It's a good life.
We couldn't get to Times Square today oh well, mom was tired.
Poor Sarah, Nadia didn't get to come to the chat Friday, but we all had a good time in the trivia chats..
I won 5 of them woo hoo now it's up to 7. Turns out it's because I was like one of 3 playing but still, I feel good :)
ooooooh wywo is on :) :)
AND I FINALLY GOT CABLE in the vcr tv little thing in my room yay. I dressed up the 8 inch with a scarf and put a construction paper homemade mailbox (with a post and everything hehe I used an oatmeal box to make it work it's actually a piggy-bank) and there's a purple and orange fun cartoony feel to the tv and mailbox and I gave the tv googly eyes and a big smile and named it Mr. Telly :)

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